-or- A product without a market
This morning I realized my body has, though not of its own accord, become a factory.
I awoke this morning, struggling for air as my respiratory passages were quite neatly and very nearly completely glued shut. Yes, I have become a veritable snot manufacturing plant. Fascinating, isn't it?
And so, after stumbling out of bed, I began the laborious process of breathing again. This involved lots of coughing and hacking, face turning red, veins throbbing, leaning over the sink so I may have a receptacle for my copious secretions. Once the lower tracts were clear it was time to work on the upper. The Scott Tissue company owes me big I tell ya. Big. We are talking rolls of tissue were used in clearing out the nasopharynx.
Then it hit me. I was tossing out a perfectly good product. I mean, this stuff was sticky, yet slippery, gooey and gross. I just need a market! I look around the apartment, trying to find some use for either a fixative or sealant. Check the grout, but no, it all looks okay. No loose tiles to put back in place. The linoleum is held down tightly everywhere. There must be some other place to use it!
Looking around work I see nothing. What a shame. On the day I am producing the most of the great, green substance I can find nothing on which to use it. But I will keep thinking. Maybe I will appeal to the eco-friendly market. A sealant, fixative, and lubricant that is 100% biodegradable and land-fill friendly! Safe for septic systems. Man oh man, the list goes on and on. Perhaps I can put it in little plastic eggs, let it sit for a day, and sell it to kids for 25 cents, tell them it is "slime". Oh yeah, I just may be on to something!
Boo-yeah! Fun and profit with snot!
If the above was found to be offensive me thinks the humble reader needs to spend more time around little boys!