Why is it that the only mail that I most certainly, absolutely want to tear into little pieces and throw away is the mail that invariably has the words "Please do not discard" or "Important information" on it? It has really made the process easier for me. I get an envelope that tells me on the front just how important it is to my life it instantly becomes confetti and litters the compactor before it ever even makes it into the house. Just how dumb do they think we are?
Why does the fellow who leaves for work before 6 am always park right outside my window? Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, but considering that his car has to attempt to start an honest-to-goodness 15 times before it remains running it gets a bit irritating. Maybe I just need to get up earlier. Or maybe I should just help him and make sure the car doesn't ever start again.
Why would Christ want me to refinance my house or meet other Christian singles? And why would He spam me so I know about these opportunities? Who knows. Perhaps those emails just use Christian in the title to lure in witless believers, then hit them with something nasty if they open it up. I haven't seen any more of them other than to hit the "Empty" button in the Bulk Mail folders, but every day I am reminded just how great the world is when I can not only get spam, but Christian spam. I don't know about you, but the Christ I believe in doesn't resort to spam.
Why in the world don't doctors use the freaking vibrate mode on their pagers? Seriously. In a room full of MDs for more than 5 minutes you know a pager is going to go off. And when it does you get the whole monkey troop simultaneously reaching for their belts. Pavlov would be proud. Guess what apes, you can make it so you always know when it is your pager! Really! See, just push that little button until it says "Set Silent Alert" and viola! no one will think your pager is theirs cause they won't have to listen to it beep, and you won't wonder if that vibrating you feel is the other guys. And you got into medical school how???