"A time to live, and a time to die"
Death fascinates us. Every art form has obsessed over the subject. Entire religions and belief systems center around the concept of death.
But we run from it at every turn.
Not everyone, of course. Some spend their entire lives running headlong toward it, often unwittingly. But it is inevitable. It will come for us all, whether we care or not, whether we are prepared or not. And lately I have seen more than my fair share.
When your life centers around sickness you would think death would just be sort of a given. But it isn't. In fact I honestly think that you can get an even more distorted perspective on death, doing what I do. I believe it is born out of, time after time, seeing death be pushed to the side. You start to forget how real death is when, in spite of every scientific cell in my body telling me it is time for someone to die, that their physical shell simply cannot support life anymore, patients suddenly 'get better'.
And that is what we do, after all. We hold off death. Sometimes even when we probably shouldn't.
I have learned a lot lately about what it means to 'do no harm'. Sometimes you need to recognize that technology and knowledge have reached their impressive limits. Sometimes you need to do your best to help a patient understand that when you say there is nothing more we can do, that you truly mean it.
That it is true doesn't make it any easier. But I am really starting to learn that being a good doctor doesn't mean you treat a disease. It means you treat a person. And sometimes the best treatment is a hand on a shoulder, a sincere, kind word, and a final goodbye."