Builders or breakers

-or- a daily choice

Published on October 4, 2004 By BlueDev In Personal Relationships

This article was, in part, inspired by Dharma's comments over here.

It has been said that the only constant in the world is change.

I couldn't agree more.

Every day we have a chance to make choices. Choices that will either move us forward or hold us back. But we can't hold still. The world won't let us. It doesn't take a break from turning, rolling forward, day by day. We either resolve to move forward as well, or we roll backward. The choice is up to each of us, the power rests with us to decide. Are we going to move forward?

Likewise, every day we can make other choices. We can choose to build up others around us or to tear them down. Small choices can have tremendous impacts, like pebbles in a pool, sending ripples out to every corner. Will those ripples strengthen those around us and our ties to them? Or will they rip them down?

It is quite obvious that tearing down is by far the easier route. We can see archetypes of this in the physical world. Buildings that take months, even years to be completed, can crumble in minutes or less. Monumental trees, grown to their majestic stature over the course of years, can topple to the ground in an instant of tempestuous fury. But we can also see this in the currents and eddies of interpersonal relationships that surround us. Love and trust, built up carefully over time, unravel in moments of infidelity, harsh words, and thoughtless acts. And while these can be rebuilt, planted anew, and reformed, the time commitment will again be great. Far greater than the moments of destruction.

So what do we choose to be? Do we choose to build or bring to ruin?

I have made more than my fair share of mistakes in my life. There have been too many times I have torn down. Yet I hope, and feel, that amid the rubble around me I have learned some lessons. I pray I have learned to build more than I break, to reach out to others and edify. It is a conscious choice one has to make every day, and then follow through with it. But we can.

If that is the desire of our hearts.

Comments

WiseFawn

on Oct 04, 2004

Wonderful post. I try so hard to only build. I know there have been moments of anger, but I'm learning.

dharmagrl

on Oct 04, 2004

I much prefer to build. I have broken, but it's only ever when I've been provoked, and even then it's more of a 'stop what's going on' action rather than a 'total destruction'.

When I have broken, I've been left with a feeling of guilt. I don't care for that too much.....so I'm trying to learn to be a better, more consistent builder.

chiprj

on Oct 04, 2004

Very nice post, BlueDev. You sum your feelings (and mine, too) up very well. I've always liked being a builder or helper, but I have burnt bridges and hurt feelings. Not something I'm proud of and definetely something I want to be better about.

Thanks for this post.

BlueDev

on Oct 04, 2004

Thanks to all for your comments. It was something I had been thinking about in the back of my mind for a bit, and Dharma's blog brought it right up to the forefront.

We all break during our lives. I think the real question is, when we realize we have broken something, what do we want to do about it? Roll around in the detritus and mire of it? Or do we get up, brush ourselves off, and resolve to build more?

Ravenblack

on Oct 05, 2004

You got me thinking with this article.

I think I've done too much tearing apart in the past. Only recently I wish I never burn those bridges...

BlueDev

on Oct 05, 2004

Only recently I wish I never burn those bridges...

As the cliche goes, "hindsight is always 20/20". There are so many times I wish I could have known before hand what would happen from my actions. Don't we all feel that way at some times? Nevertheless, I think if we learn from those experiences, use our hindsight to sharpen our foresight, that the next time around we will make better choices.

Thanks for stopping by Ravenblack.

NaturallyPoetic

on Oct 05, 2004

Nice post.

I prefer to build. Don't always succeed, but I try. I do believe though, there are times when we do need to tear things down, and that it's not bad to do so. But only when the situation calls for it. Kinda like knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold'em.

on Oct 06, 2004

You can't just build all life. Some things HAS to be broken down.

The building may be condemned for years, and it's time to take it down to build a new building.

You need to kill some animals, break some eggs and kill some plants in order to have an excellent breakfast.

Only "destroy" type of actions I don't like is willful damage of something useful or good, like bombing a building and killing lot of people down to simply scratching a message in toilet stall in public building. It don't have to be physical. Someone could destroy some couple's marriage because he or she is jealous of the couple.

It has been said that the only constant in the world is change.

I had made my own saying on this before.

"Change, you are immune to your own poison!"

BlueDev

on Oct 06, 2004

Only "destroy" type of actions I don't like is willful damage of something useful or good

I suppose that was more the line of my thought when I wrote this article. Certainly buildings need to be broken for renovations, to build new ones, etc. But when it comes to relationships, I don't think that destroying others is necessary or a good idea. Even in destructive relationships I think it is better to sever the relationship cleanly, but not necessarily destroy the other person. This, of course, ties back to my religious beliefs.

As NP put, knowing when to hold them and when to fold them. But I would opt for ending the relationship rather than destroying it altogether. For example I have had relationships in the past that turned sour. So I reacted, lashed out, and did some tearing down. But I chose to rebuild that relationship to the point a clean break was appropriate so that I didn't leave it in shambles.

BlueDev

on Oct 06, 2004

"Change, you are immune to your own poison!"

I love that quote. Very nicely done!

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