Humor as a weapon

Published on October 28, 2004 By BlueDev In Misc

Humor and its use has been mentioned a few times here in the past day or so. It got me thinking, yet again. I agree wholeheartedly that we can all benefit from a healthy sense of humor. A willingness to not take ourselves too seriously is important, no doubt.

But there is a problem. No matter what you, I, or anyone else thinks, there are things that are not going to be funny to certain people. I'm not going to try to draw any lines, but for me they certainly exist. I think it would be safe to say (at least from past experience here) that we all have those types of lines as well. Things that offend, upset, or hurt could very feasibly be backed up with "But I was only kidding!" by the perpetrator.

So who determines what is humor and what isn't? Should we have some international humor coalition? I think the absurdity of that thought is readily apparent.

In the end the power is our own. We can walk around, offensive miscreants to all, warm and safe in our assertion that there is nothing wrong with our sense of humor, it is the other's fault. Certainly not our own. After all, we were only kidding, so let's be as brutal as we want to be. I have seen this attitude embraced by others and have even adopted it to a degree at points in my life. Much to my shame and regret. Invariably we are the ones who choose to thoughtlessly wield our hammer of humor.

Or we can temper our humor with a modicum of tact and thought for others, realize that not everyone thinks the same, and thus our often pathetic attempts at humor fail. And at no fault of another. I was always taught regarding giving speeches, writing, etc. to know my audience. Humor is no different. I don't care how funny you think you are, if it isn't appropriate for the audience it isn't going to get a laugh, and may very well insult. We can blame them, since they didn't get it. Or we can exercise a little grace under pressure and take the blame upon ourselves for failing to know our audience.

That can be difficult on the net. We only have verbal reactions to go by. But a careful author/speaker can still gain enough understanding to know where limits are, and how best to work within them.

The choice is ours. Use humor deftly to get our point across, to entertain and enlighten. Or hide behind the shield of humor, because the thoughtless comment was, after all, just a joke. Right?

Comments

Angloesque

on Oct 28, 2004

Good thoughts, BlueDev.

It can never hurt to give a bit of thought before opening your mouth, even in jest. Sometimes my mouth says things my brain hits it for later, but it's learning.

-A.

xtine

on Oct 28, 2004

Most of the time, I think before I say something. What usually happens is I end up saying nothing.

Ravenblack

on Oct 28, 2004

I agree with your points, BlueDev.

Unfortunately, some people think just because they say they are only joking, means we are not suppose to take offence. I think they need a clue.

And I can't stand people who insist that they are funny when they are not. "I was joking, you just have no sense of humor." (Another phrase that makes me want to smack the speaker up jaw...) And guess what, just because a few morons laugh along with you doesn't mean I should find you funny too.

>>That can be difficult on the net. We only have verbal reactions to go by. But a careful author/speaker can still gain enough understanding to know where limits are, and how best to work within them

Reading a thread wrong, and responding in inappropriate manner - I've been guilty of that.
Once I was kidding around in a thread meant to be serious and I got grated for it, the only thing to do is to apologise for one's lack of sensitivity.

on Oct 28, 2004

http://www.winternet.com/~mikelr/flame35.html

One of best flame warrior.

Yeah, if you joke, it's likely you will offend someone somewhere. But that's life. You should try not to be too offensive. I'm guilty of offensive jokes, and I'm sure everyone did one or two of those too.

I agree that jokes should not be used as "attack". It's kinda like punching someone very hard on stomach and saying "it's just a joke".

BlueDev

on Oct 28, 2004

Thanks for the comments everyone.

It can never hurt to give a bit of thought before opening your mouth, even in jest.

A--I agree. It can be really tough to take that moment and think first. And there will always be moments when we forget or when we simply need to reply on the spot. But I think a pattern of behavior, thinking things through, will kick in, get us through the pinch, and help us be thoughtful people.

What usually happens is I end up saying nothing.

xtine--often I think that can be the very best thing to do. There have been numerous moments in which I had typed a response and just ended up closing the window or hitting the back button. Sage advice. Thanks for sharing it.

Unfortunately, some people think just because they say they are only joking, means we are not suppose to take offence. I think they need a clue.

Raven--I know it works both ways. Folks say something stupid and try to cover it by passing if off as a joke, or they really were joking and people didn't get it. But I think that falls back to knowing your audience. I wouldn't expect people in New York City (or just about all of America for that matter) to laugh at jokes about the 9/11 attacks. So to make them would be foolish on my part. I think that example fits other places/situations as well.

XX--Yeah, you will. That is inevitable, and to think we are never going to offend someone is naive. I suppose what matters is how we deal with those moments. Do we shrug them off and insist it is strictly the other person's fault for not "getting it", or do we apologize and tuck what we learned from that experience away for safe keeping and later use? I suppose we each decide for ourselves.

chiprj

on Oct 28, 2004

Good post. I'd even say Insightful! Thanks.

Insightful

on Oct 29, 2004

Humor in the written form can be interpretted in an entire different manner, then when it is spoken in person.
This woman that I'm dating, misunderstands my humor in emails on a regular basis and questions, "what did you mean by that?"
But in person, we never have a problem.

But yes, some people do use humor in a hateful way.

Good Article!

Muggaz

on Oct 29, 2004

There is humour, and there is blatent character assassination... the later just displaying a lack of character and integrity... who are we to judge though?

Good article

BlueDev

on Oct 29, 2004

who are we to judge though

Especially in a written form it can be incredibly difficult to do so. So our best bet is to have a thick skin, learn to shrug it off and not judge. But we can see patterns of behavior that clue us in on true motives. In those instances I think our best bet is to just stay away. Thanks for the comment Muggaz.

Chip-I appreciate it!

Insightful--I too have had my humor go completely missed in written form. Heck, sometimes my weak attempts at humor go missed by those physically around me. I think that is another example of knowing our audience. If someone continuously misses my jokes, I try to stop making those kind of jokes around them. Thanks for the comment.

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