A silly little blog for me to drop the excrement of my mind.
but haven't
Published on December 11, 2004 By BlueDev In Blogging
The past week has been a wild ride. And wild rides often result in some of my more interesting articles (in my not so humble opinion).

This week has been different though.

I don't know why either. But there have been so many articles that I wrote in my head, I reasoned through, I argued with myself, yet never actually made it into existence. Some were articles born out of frustration, some out of relief, some the offspring of a silly mood, and others the spawn of white-hot rage.

I can't say how any would have turned out. I also don't know what the results of some may have been. Perhaps bridges would have been burned, perhaps understanding may have been strengthened, perhaps they would have gone unnoticed. I suppose I will never know, for while the ideas are still there, and may very well become articles at some future stage, they will lack the sense of immediacy they would have had if had I written them this week. On one hand I regret that some never made it, but on the whole I think it was a good thing. I try not to write while emotional, and emotion fueled my thoughts.

But I can't shake a certain feeling of disillusionment with my experience here. That too will pass, of that I am sure. But that feeling has persisted longer than the emotions that fueled my list of unborn articles.

Comments (Page 1)
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on Dec 11, 2004

I know exactly how you feel, as I've found myself thinking that "I should write a blog about this" many times, only to find myself feeling rather apathetic when it came time to put my thoughts in print.  As you know, and once pointed out, apathy is a close friend of mine, so this isn't surprising in any way. 

that's not to say that apathy is what's holding you back from writing, only that I know how you feel. 

To answer the question that you didn't ask, I would have to say that it depends on what you're aim here is.  If it's to be the proverbial 'points whore', then writing while emotionally charged is a good idea, as those are the articles that end up fueling the most controversy.  If you just want to make people think, but not necessarily make any waves, then waiting until your mood has settled may be the way to go. 

Our emotions, our moods, our desires, & our needs come and go in waves... some waves are bigger than others, and the frequency of the waves varies from person to person.  It sounds as though the 'disillusionment with your experience here' is one of those waves...  you're right, it's gonna pass with time.   

on Dec 11, 2004
I'm going to give you an insightful for that great response imajinit. Thanks.

If you just want to make people think, but not necessarily make any waves, then waiting until your mood has settled may be the way to go.


That has always pretty much been my goal here. I like to think, and I hope that the things I think can perhaps lead other people to think as well. I wouldn't be so falsely humble to say that I write here strictly for myself. I can do that in Word or in my physical journal. I write here because I want to, and because I would like others to read (and comment) on what I write. But I abhor the emotionally charged, or purposefully inflammed, articles that obviously are gunning for the big points. And so I usually cool off before I write. I think this week has had so many cool off and heat up moments that in the wake of it all I am feeling drained.

It sounds as though the 'disillusionment with your experience here' is one of those waves... you're right, it's gonna pass with time.


Once again, you are correct. It isn't significant enough to really cause me to stop, it isn't significant enough that I am going to write a (points whoring!) article about how I am fed up, leaving, yadda, yadda, yadda. But it has been enough to crush any significant articles I may have written. It will go.
on Dec 11, 2004
By "my experience here" do you mean at joeuser.com, or at our illustrious institute of higher learning we both share? If the latter, I'd have to agree. A lot of our classmates feel the same (well... the "good ones" at least ). There's a lot more back stabbing and self service than I expected. But I've whined to you over IM about this many times, I'm sure.

My disillusionment has been everpresent the past 2 years or so, though with local minima and maxima. This, too, shall pass... when I graduate
on Dec 11, 2004
>>On one hand I regret that some never made it, but on the whole I think it was a good thing. I try not to write while emotional, and emotion fueled my thoughts.

I think you are wise to do that. Stormy emotions make poor writing. In my experience, writing when you are in the middle of an emotional charge often result in more misunderstandings and misinterpretations. And probably end up feeling worse about it.

>> And so I usually cool off before I write. I think this week has had so many cool off and heat up moments that in the wake of it all I am feeling drained.

Mayhaps you need a break. This week had been rather dramatic around here, I mean that seriously. I think we have to be careful about that, learn how distant ourselves a bit, not let ourselves be taken for unnecessary emotional rides.

>> But it has been enough to crush any significant articles I may have written.

Maybe you can write them offline, and post them if ever the time is right for them?
on Dec 12, 2004
SAS: I can totally see what you are talking about. When I wrote this I meant primarily my time here at JU. Though I can certainly see it spreading over to school. I think I have been fortunate this year in that I am pretty insulated from it all. I have managed to build a little world that really only has one other med student in it, and we get along pretty well. The others I interact with is by choice, as friends (like you). It has been refreshing to get out of the back-stabbing loop.

Thanks for stopping by!

Raven: I think you may be correct, perhaps a few days off would do me some good. Thanks for the suggestion. I also think the writing the articles offline is a good idea.
on Dec 13, 2004
I know what you are thinking BD - I also gave Imajinit an insightful for that response, and I don't give my ratings away very easily at all!

I too have the very same feeling, just imagining different articles, they come to mind, and then i put my thoughts down, and then you feel the inhibitions of critique, and you don't particular want to be a critic either! another reason for not writing! no one likes a critic!

social commentary at a place like JU is always going to be tough, because you have so many social backgrounds and variables, something you say will no doubt come off another way to some one else, and it has stopped me from writing many an article, and reading some as well to be honest...

I would like to say though to Raven - I have seen some emotional writing that is really powerful, and I would like to think some of my more emotional pieces are my favorites - it just depends what you are emotional about!

This was fun.

on Dec 13, 2004
>> just depends what you are emotional about!

Probably. I guess I was generalising a little too much based on my own self. I can't write anything when I'm in the midst of anger or sadness. Nobody will understand me and I end up feeling more frustrated.
on Dec 13, 2004
I have seen some emotional writing that is really powerful, and I would like to think some of my more emotional pieces are my favorites - it just depends what you are emotional about!


Muggaz: I can agree with that. I think I would qualify it though by saying that some of the best writing is emotionally powered, but perhaps still not written completely in the throws of emotion. Hmm, I don't know if that makes any sense. I suppose what I am trying to say is that writing based on emotion can be very powerful, but writing while completely controlled by the emotion has a way of getting away from the author. But that is a personal preference. I can write emotional pieces, but I need to make sure I am thinking too, not just feeling. Thanks for your comments.
on Dec 13, 2004

But I can't shake a certain feeling of disillusionment with my experience here


Me too.  It's not just this past week, this has been persisting for a while now.  If things come in waves.....then this is a set of surf worthy breakers that apparently is going to keep coming.  Everytime I think that I've ridden the last one out, another one comes along.


It's making me reconsider my decision to stay.  That everything I say or do here is open to ridicule elsewhere just reinforces my apathy.

on Dec 13, 2004
Me too. It's not just this past week, this has been persisting for a while now.


I'm really sorry to hear that dharma. To be honest, much of the problem has been the craziness of RL (real life) for me this past week. It has been insane. As things calm back down I think that will make a big difference.

That everything I say or do here is open to ridicule elsewhere just reinforces my apathy.


Now that I can imagine being tough. I hope things work out. You know if you left I would miss you! I would respect it, no questions, but I would miss you.
on Dec 13, 2004
I was thisclose to quitting JU, but mostly because I was sick and tired of the animosity. But, the thing that got me was this 'seek and ye shall find'. Taking more than just a step back helped a bit, but also, happily, really gave me an opportunity to miss certain people's writing. Now, I've forgotten just what I was so pissed off with in the first place. Cheers, friend!
on Dec 13, 2004

Now that I can imagine being tough. I hope things work out.


They will.  Thay have in the past, and I'm sure they will again.  It's not anything that I find hard to ignore, and it's just a select few eejits doing it.


RL hasn't been a bed of roses for me either...however, I'm not under half as much pressure as you are!

on Dec 14, 2004
-wrong thread sorry-
on Dec 14, 2004
I have felt the same way as of late around here . It seems as if every time i try and post something that isn't totally serious it either gets ridiculed, or otherwise ignored. Seems as if some people are only interested in attack posts, which is really depressing. Seems as if the only reply i have got over the past week that put a smile on my mug was Dev's comment on my "Redneck Special Forces" post.

But i'm not going anywhere...Quite the contrary. I'm digging in my heels. I'm shooting for the "fly in the ointment" title
on Dec 14, 2004
It seems as if every time i try and post something that isn't totally serious it either gets ridiculed, or otherwise ignored.


Man, do I hear that. I had to beg to finally get someone to reply to my poem "Ode to the Shepherd Snort". Granted, it is disgusting, but I still laugh out loud each time I read it. But I am doing the same as you thatoneguy, digging in and staying around.

Now, I've forgotten just what I was so pissed off with in the first place. Cheers, friend!


That is good to hear. I hope I can reach the same point, to not even recall why I was pissed off in the first place. Thanks for your kind words NickyG.

RL hasn't been a bed of roses for me either...however, I'm not under half as much pressure as you are!


I wouldn't count on that. I bet things are pretty crazy for you as well. Hope things can settle down for both of our families.
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