Some days I play nice. Some days tact comes easily. Some days I really make an effort to not offend.
Today was not one of those days.
I really do try to hold to the idea that tact is important. I am not one who thinks that just being honest and brutally blunt all the time is a good thing. There are times when it really is the only way to go, but far too often I see folks use it as an excuse to forget anything they may ever have learned about human decency (I could name some names. . .). So I usually choose to not take that blunter-than-a-hammer approach.
But I just didn't even try today.
I have a presentation to give down in Charleston SC this Thursday. It isn't a big deal, but I have put a fair amount of effort into making the presentation and preparing and polishing the speech. However, it is also important to realize my wife is 39 weeks pregnant today. Yes, technically she could go at any moment. Also, I am fully aware that child-birth can be an unexpected event. But my wife was also almost a week late with both of our previous children and was induced with both. So her body hasn't shown any propensity for just going into labor fast and easy. And she isn't looking like it is impending right now, nor is she feeling like it.
Nevertheless one of the residents I work with felt the need to remind me that child-birth is unexpected and she could go at any time. (This was the same resident who has attempted to give me ridiculous, ignorant parenting advice in the past) My tolerance was low, so I simply told her that she didn't have any idea what she was talking about and she ought to shut up before she looked even more stupid. Not nice.
I sent out an email to my class listserve asking who to contact regarding Medical Families Weekend. I want to discuss the fact that my parents received an invitation to the event, but my immediate family did not. I love my parents and am the first to recognize their influence in my life. But I wouldn't be where I am without my wife. She is the one who has made this journey possible. And to not invite her to an event designed to recognize the families behind the students is beyond insulting.
One of the students responded to my email mentioning that she is the student liaison to the alumni association (the folks in charge of the event) and asked if she could help. I responded that she probably couldn't but that I was just curious as to why my wife wasn't invited to the event. She responded with some trite line about them assuming she lived with me and saving postage costs by just sending the email invite to me that I could pass along to her.
I responded with a simple missive. I simply told her that her response embodied and advocated the very attitude that is disgusting me. Thanks.
Not nice.
There were others. Little moments in which I could have been tactful, but wasn't today. I don't feel guilty about it either. There are those who would suggest I shouldn't ever worry about being tactful, but that isn't me. But today, tact just wasn't on the menu.