This is probably a bit overdue. But better late than never, right?
My wife and I have been fostering a teenage girl for a little over two months. It has been a fascinating (and thoroughly exhausting) endeavor. Teenagers (obviously) bring into the world a whole host of decisions, complications, choices, and actions that you just don't have when dealing with children 5 and under. And many of these issues are much more serious in nature.
As a matter of clarification, because I am not convinced it was clear in my original article about fostering, my wife and I are therapeutic foster parents. The distinction is important. Our goal is not to be a permanent home to this girl, nor is it for her to stay with us until a permanent home is found. She has a home, and it is with her mother and siblings. Rather, our work is to be both parents and therapists (of sorts) while both she and her mother prepare for her eventual return to home.
When that will happen is unknown, and so in the interim we try to help her feel like she is part of our family, while still encouraging and assisting in building her relationship with her mother. It is like walking a tight-rope, not wanting to totter too much to either side.
Our daughter loves school, so she does well and needs very little input/motivation from us. Now we have to effectively interact with teachers, counselors and the student to attempt to help her do her best in school. We also have very 'teenager-ish' actions to deal with and discipline to handle. And I can't even ask my folks for advice, none of their children pushed limits like this.
Yet, lest anyone think things aren't going well, they are. Limit testing is a necessary part of growing up, and now that our limits have been tested (and found to be pretty tight), I think that aspect of our relationship will improve. Sure, limits will still be tested, but at least now she knows just how hard-nosed we can be about what we feel is important.