I called my mom a while back. I call her more often than that, but I called with a specific purpose. I had her get my dad on the other phone. I had something important to tell them.
"Mom, dad, I am so, so sorry."
They were confused. Being something of an adult now, living as far away from them as we do, I don't have too many chances to screw things up with them or offend in any way. So I could understand and appreciate their confusion. I decided I had better clarify.
"I am so sorry that I was a teenager."
They both chuckled. I think they knew exactly what I meant, as they probably had some moment in which they felt the same sort of regret for just the simple fact of being a teenager. I then expressed my sincere gratitude for all they did (and do) for me, for their love, for their support, and most of all for their (very strict) rules.
I am learning just what a thankless job it is parenting a teenager. Younger children are easy. The very small ones show their thanks with the giggles, grins and cuddles. Our 2 year old (almost 3!) shows her thanks with more hugs than I can count many nights when I get home. All unasked for, all given freely. The 6 year old expresses her thanks in more complex ways, yet still very innocent and sweet. Pictures for mom and dad, stories she has written, notes telling us she loves us. All are sincere demonstrations of appreciation, thanks and love.
But, as many of you know, you just don't get that with teenagers. And, of course, they are the ones that require the most work, the most sleepless nights, the most hair-pulling conversations, the most energy. And you know what? They act like they couldn't care less. I know, I am sure I did the same (though my parents tell me I was a very easy teenager to raise, I think they are just being kind). You wish they could realize that if you really didn't care you wouldn't put forth the effort. It would take a lot less energy to just take it easy, let them do what they want, and assume that they can take care of themselves. It really would. But because we care, because we love, we drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out how to best help.
And a thank you for all that effort? Forget about it.