Becoming Foster Parents

Published on January 3, 2005 By BlueDev In Home & Family

My wife and I firmly believe that there is a higher power and that He is intimately aware of our lives, our circumstances, and our capabilities. We also believe that as we draw close to Him through prayer and our actions that He can inspire us and help provide guidance in our lives. On more occasions than I can count I have had feelings and thoughts that came unbidden, yet that have changed my life in amazing ways. Some may simply write them off as creations of my own deranged mind. They may believe that, but I most certainly believe otherwise. But why write this?

Simply because I really don't want folks to think I am insane (any more than they already do). Perhaps I should rephrase that to say I want people to have a framework to understand my insanity. Better?

Last week the call went out. Some people who attend church with us run an organization of therapeutic foster homes, homes for kids that need a little more structure, kids who have in many cases had pretty rough lives, and require more supervision. Many of the kids do really well in the groups homes (4 in each home), progress quite a bit, and really set their lives straight.

But once their time in the group home is done many still need a place to stay (due to issues at home and such). There is one such girl right now. She needs a place to go, a family to live with, for probably the next year and a half or so. She really wants to live with and LDS family (aka Mormon), would like to stay in Durham so she can go to the same school, and would like someone who speaks Spanish (she is fluent in both, but the Spanish helps with communicating with her family). But there wasn't a home for her.

We fit all three.

And so, after talking about it, pondering it, discussing it with our oldest daughter, and lots of prayer my wife and I told them we would be happy to take her into our home and family.

On the surface it really makes no sense. But the feeling that this was the right thing to do were just too strong to ignore. And while we can't provide everything in the world materially, I know we can provide what matters most: a loving home. The more we think about it, the more we talk about it, the more excited we all are.

But we will gain a whole new respect for my parents and their trials with my teenage sisters.

Comments (Page 1)

Manopeace

on Jan 03, 2005

What you and your wife are doing is the noblest thing any human being can do for another. God Bless you both!

dharmagrl

on Jan 03, 2005

Dev...I've always been proud to call you my friend, but this...well, it brings tears to my eyes! You and your wife are doing an incredible, amazing, altruistic thing.

You, my friend, are a bodhisattva (it's a good thing, trust me. It's be like you calling me an angel or something - I just hope you're not offended by it).

What a fabulous thing to do.....

Gideon MacLeish

on Jan 03, 2005

BlueDev,

I will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers (and especially the young lady). It's good that you are doing this, and even better that she is in a home that is supportive of her faith rather than ambivalent or hostile.

foreverserenity

on Jan 03, 2005

You're not insane, you're wonderful...you and your wife and your family - positively great!

just john

on Jan 03, 2005

BRAVO!

My wife and I entered into a similar situation, only with family. We took in my brother-in-law's four children. In the end the parents caused too much trouble for the children to ever adjust to living with us. We had them for almost a year.

Good Luck and God Bless.

shadesofgrey

on Jan 03, 2005

I agree with all the previous posts--this is an incredible thing. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision to come by and I wish you all the best of luck adjusting to each other and sharing each other's lives.

Ravenblack

on Jan 03, 2005

An admirable deed, BlueDev. I pray the best for your family and hope that this new person in your family intergrates well.

dynamaso

on Jan 03, 2005

BlueDev, I wish you and your family all the best with this. It is a most generous act but typically in keeping with your good self. I will be sending you all the positive energy I can muster.

Cheers,

Maso

BlueDev

on Jan 03, 2005

Wow, the responses are a bit overwhelming. I am truly humbled by you all.

I really struggled with this article. I wrote it (in Object Edit - a Notepad replacement) then closed it, deciding not to post it. Then I opened it again, looked it over and closed it again. The last thing I wanted was to post this and have it come across as some sort of "My, aren't we noble?" sort of post.

So I finally decided to post it after I grew tired of the other people in the lab I work in telling me we were insane for making this decision. They all wanted to know why I had to leave early (to go and get fingerprinted - and you don't tell someone that without having to offer some sort of explanation). Once I explained to them they looked at me (and told me) as if I had lost my mind completely.

And I don't blame them. On the outside it can really seem a crazy thing to do while still in medical school, with 2 of our own and the third on the way.

I finally published it, though, because I knew they couldn't feel what we felt. And we knew this was something we needed to do. And so, while I appreciate all the amazingly generous comments, please know I didn't write this to receive them.

dynamaso

on Jan 03, 2005

For anyone that knows you even slightly, as I do, the last thing I would expect anyone to think is that you wrote this piece to received favourable comments. I'm glad you had the strength to share this moment with us. Any help you need, please don't hesitate to ask me.

Cheers,

Maso

Suspeckted

on Jan 03, 2005

I'm very interested in how this works out for you. I have often thought I'd like a career somehow connected to the foster care/adoption services network. I often picture myself a few years ahead applying to be a foster parent.

Good luck,
Definitely sounds like your hearts are in the right place here,
Suspeckted

Dusk411

on Jan 03, 2005

Good luck, BlueDev.

I don't think many people realize that not only do babies need parents, but older children do also.

In the late 80s, there was a little girl named Jessica DeBoer who lived with her foster parents and they wanted to adopt her. Her biological mother got wind of it and decided to get her back. It went to court and the biological mom won. Seeing the media coverage affected me in regards to adoption. They did an update on her a year ago and she seemed to be a) parroting what her biological mom told her about what happened and

didn't really seem all that happy.

As a kid and as a young adult, I still side with the foster parents, the DeBoers. They loved the child and it hurt them deeply to lose her. I still can see Jessica DeBoer crying as she was yanked from her foster mom. It was gut-wrenching. If anything, I hoped it would ease Michigan adoption laws to favor foster parents. I felt that after 2-3 the DeBoers had her, they were her daughter.

BlueDev

on Jan 03, 2005

Again, there are so many responses that I would like to make to each person here. But let me just say once again how humbled by the responses and how grateful I am for all the positive thoughts.

What you and your wife are doing is the noblest thing any human being can do for another.

Thank you so much Mano.

It's be like you calling me an angel or something - I just hope you're not offended by it

Not in the least Dharma. Thank you.

I will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers (and especially the young lady).

We appreciate that Gideon. Truly.

You're not insane, you're wonderful...you and your wife and your family - positively great!

It is nice to know someone doesn't think we are nuts!

My wife and I entered into a similar situation, only with family.

Truly an admirable thing to do. Bravo to you as well.

I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision to come by and I wish you all the best of luck adjusting to each other and sharing each other's lives.

It is funny, it wasn't easy, but at the same time it just felt so right it kind of was. I don't know how else to explain it.

I pray the best for your family and hope that this new person in your family intergrates well.

Thanks Raven. We have the advantage in that my wife used to teach her piano and voice lessons, so she knows her pretty well and she knows our girls. A decent head start.

I will be sending you all the positive energy I can muster.

I will greedily take it too Maso. Thanks again.

Suspeckted: Those we know who do this really love it. So it works well for them. I will let you know how it works out for us.

BlueDev

on Jan 03, 2005

Wise words Dusk. You don't get to stop being a parent when the diapers or bottles are gone. I hope we can offer her some stability she was missing from home. Thanks for your comment.

trina_p

on Jan 03, 2005

Dusk - I read Robbie DeBoers autobiography "Losing Jesisca" years ago - and since then I saw the telemovie which broke my heart. She wasn't a foster child she was put up for adoption and the DeBoers tried to legally adopt her. However the "mother" put another man down on the birth cirtificate and didn't inform the real father -- he found out and they tried to get her back - succeeding because of the rights of the father were violated - he didn't know he had a child and didn't choose to have her adopted out.

I always wondered what happened to Jessie and her sister - not to mention the DeBoers - were they successful in adopting another child?

Dev - I second what everyone else has said

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